Cross my heart & hope to die; stick a needle in my eye: a superstitious thread

I know this might sound terribly superstitious, but I've always thought that I could be completely happy if only I could finish this cross-stitch. I started this cross-stitch when I was fifteen. And as it so happens when you're fifteen and in love and spending a Friday night with your parents, your boyfriend will have spent some time with another girl. I told myself then that I would never ever be completely happy in love or have a healed heart unless I finished this cross-stitch. I know, it's terribly superstitious. It's like the white elephant in my life. This thing has been toted around from state to state and it even accompanied me once overseas, and I have never ever wanted to finish it. That huge cabbage, as lovely as it seems, quickly became very tedious.

The image itself, however, lends much sentimentality to me as I grew up among rabbits and veggies and flowers. My parents are avid gardeners, and as a child, I had pet rabbits, among other things. My parents live out in the country and they have all sorts of animals including chickens and ducks and geese and turkeys and quail and occasionally, kittens and mice and wild bunnies are born in our henhouse hay. I suppose, even though I'm living in New York City, that I have a bit of the rustic in me and dream about living in a farmhouse or at least among a beautiful secluded mountain scenery.

And so, when I begin to ask myself questions such as these--will I ever be married? will I ever have children? will I even ever be engaged?--this cross-stitch begins to loom large in my mind and I blame it all on that cabbage.